Apple Die

By
a pretty drunk Cat cat Productions

Shooting Draft 10/11/14

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         1.

EXT. STREET - DAY
Main character walks down the street holding his stomach. He is hungry and has hunger pains. The camera moves with him.

YOUNG WOMAN
Excuse me!

GUY
Yes?

YOUNG WOMAN
Would you like some of my juicy
cherry pie?

GUY
Sure, I haven’t had some in a long time.

YOUNG WOMAN
That’s too long to go without... actually, I’m all out. We have apple though.

GUY
Oh...

YOUNG WOMAN
Yes, this old recipe has been enchanting eaters for years.

GUY
All right. Do you take cards?

YOUNG WOMAN
Of course but we don’t take Visa, Discover, American express, MasterCard...just Tarot.

GUY
I don’t think I have that one.

YOUNG WOMAN
No problem, my sweets are usually free...

The Guy looks curiously at her.

YOUNG WOMAN
...as long as you come back and let me know how good it was.

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CONTINUED:         2.

GUY
Are you sure?

YOUNG WOMAN
Of course, I’ve done this many
times before. Just promise me
you’ll come back before the sun
sets to let me know.

GUY
I can do that.

Guy takes a bite of the pie and nearly jizzes his pants. He walks off and crosses the frame. When he does, the young woman changes into MATTDÁMON, evil warlock!

Then there is a time lapse of day to night with an African background. Random!

INT. APARTMENT - NIGHT

Guy walks into his apartment with pie remnants on his face and his roommate GIRL is there reading a book.

GIRL
What’s up dude? Woa...you look really full.

GUY
Yea, I ate an entire pie on my way home.

GIRL
Really? Where’d you get it?

GUY
Someone was selling it on the street.

GIRL
Cool. I’m going to the kitchen to make some hot coco. Want me to bring you some when it’s done?

GUY
FUCK YES please. What’re you reading?

GIRL
It’s this riveting book called "The Farmer’s Alamanac" and it’s talking about easy to miss sunsets. Have you heard of those?

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CONTINUED:         3.

GUY
Oh, shit, it’s sunset!

Mattdámon appears behind the both of them. Guy, sensing the warlock is behind him, turns around. Girl has already left to make hot chocolate.

MATTDÁMON
You - you didn’t tell me! You didn’t tell me what you thought of my cherry pie!

GUY
Cherry pie?

MATTDÁMON
Wait, you’re right. I was out of it. My apple pie! Now you will pay!

Guy and Mattdámon engage in a fight. After an intense fight scene Guy defeats Mattdámon with his own pie and he vanishes in a trippy manner. Girl comes up with a mug of coco.

GIRL
Wow, you all right? You look like you just fought a warlock or somethin’.

Guy takes the coco and sips it.

GUY
Wow, this coco is good. Where’d you get it?

GIRL
I got it from the farmer’s market.

GUY Mmmm. How much?

GIRL
It wasn’t anything. The woman just told me I had to come back and tell her how much I liked it. "Just be back by sunset," she said. Like, as if! I have almanacs to catch up on. They come out with one like every year! I’m soooooo behind...

Girl turns away. We hear Mattdámon’s daunting theme music again. Guy’s eyes grow wide.

THE END

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